So my heart reacts just by seeing his face.
what does that mean…
My best friend told me, “Why do we love people that hurt us the most?” A question that hit me hard. He told me that there was a system. That we hold on to people because of how scared we are, to let go of how strong your love was with them before. How much we grasp onto those feelings again, as soon as your ready to move on, it comes and bites you like poisonous venom controlling your heart and mind. Like a sting. Like an addiction. Every ciggarrette that I’ve smoked with him, I would always think of “what could happen” or “why did it happen”. We’d just take a hit and think about shit, the pain that we held on to and that we’ve been trying to let go of.
I ask myself constantly if I’m making the right decision. To put myself in a position where I can trust you again, but it’s so hard to because of the shit that’s happened.. Sometimes it’s even to the point where I don’t know if it’s really worth it. Because I don’t want to get hurt again. I’m scared to get hurt again. So how do I know if I’m making the right decision, by letting you come back? I don’t want you to regret anything.
I want you to give me assurance that you aren’t going to leave me again. I trust in you still, but it’s hard to keep a clear mind knowing what you did to me. I don’t want to lose you again. I’m not going to. I won’t let it happen. But if I do, if I happen to, then I want to make sure it’s the end, not the beginning or the middle of the end. The end of the end.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
I was testing you that one time to see if you actually cared about our friendship. I was hoping you’d come to your senses and try save our friendship considering I was the one who ALWAYS made the effort to save this friendship. I was hoping you would prove me wrong but you proved me right…
I don’t even know why up to now, a part of me is still hoping you would flip over and save our friendship..
But now I realised,some things are meant to leave broken rather than fixing it. I can’t say I’m glad that our friendships dead,I can say that you’re exactly like the others.. You just get up and leave my life.
Our friendship MEANT something to me..